Little...the Labor

So we finally started active labor on Sep. 22 around 2pm.

I hit transition and began to push shortly after papa arrived.

But things weren't progressing.

So they broke my waters.

Twice!

Yes they had to break two water bags!

Then my waters broke again.
They think i had 3 water bags.

Apparently I am an anomaly.

No wonder you weren't doing much on your own.

And they checked me but I still wasn't completely dialated.

But my body wanted to push so I had to fight against that

To let the contractions do their work. 

And then you started to crown, and I was told I needed a few more big pushes

But you didn't come.

I pushed for 9 hours

And you weren't coming.

And I was getting dehydrated...
I had an IV put in.

And the pain was becoming  too much.

I stopped comprehending what people were saying.

I was giving up.

I wanted to sleep.

I wanted you to be here. 

I was so frustrated.

so we left around 11:30 for the hospital.

I couldn't get you out, and the pain was too much.

When I was checked at the hospital you were still a plus2

Why weren't you coming?

I got an epidural and slept for an hour.

Then they checked again and you were at a minus 1

We began to push again.

for about another hour... still nothing.

Doctor and Midwife checked again. 

Your head was stuck in my pelvis.

I had room for a vaginal delivery,

But you couldn't seem to get unstuck.

Then came the ultimatums.

We could look at using a suction to help assist,

Or we go to cesarean.

I asked about risks and the Doctor didn't think suction would

work anyways. 

He felt it was more likely to injure you.

So I began to give in to the idea that we may

have to do a cesarean.

Then I got one last option.

My contractions were no longer coming at regular intervals...

So I was going to need help to keep pushing.

The doctor suggested Pitocin to keep them coming

and make them stronger.

Then we would keep pushing and positioning

and pray that you moved enough to come out.
So that's what we did.
And Finally after additional hours of pushing you were here.
It was 28 hours since my contractions became regular
And 13 hours of pushing, but you made it!
You were laid on my chest and I was in love.
I may have been disappointed by the fact
that the labor wasn't exactly what I planned.
But you are here and it was ALL worth it.

Little...The intro

Hey there Micaiah,

Today is day 4 of life for you.

Wow it's crazy how in love papa and I are.

We have been through a lot as a family so far.

I thought I'd write about it so I can look back

and remember how blessed we are to have you.

So I'll start back a few days, 8 days actually.

On Friday the 19th, I was still concerned

Concerned I would never start my labor.

We passed all of your dues dates and were getting closer to having to be induced. 

So we had a Foley Bulb procedure done.

I was dilated at a 2 at this point .

A foley catheter was placed in my cervix,

And the balloon on the end was filled with saline

to help dilate me.

I can home and contractions started!

And they got pretty painful.

And I could time them.

And the pain was a little scary since I was alone.

So papa came home.
And we waited. And called the Midwives.
They told us to stay home at least until the foley came out.
Because then we would know I was dilated to 4 or more.
So I went to bed. And everything stopped.
On Saturday the 20th, I went to have the foley removed.
I was so discouraged.
But even though it hadn't come out on its own it in fact had worked!
Your giant head just kept it from falling out.
So we were a little closer to meeting you.
Sunday came and went.
We skipped church because the exhaustion of being up the last two days
when we thought you were coming
wore us out.
And mom couldn't deal with another week of
"you are still pregnant?"
That night I started to have contractions.
And I figured it was another fluke.
So I went to bed.
5am on Monday the 22nd I awoke to my contractions.
This was it. It had to be it.
But I sent papa to work anyway. They had to keep coming
and get closer and stronger.
So I stayed the morning with Aunt Chayil.
And the contractions spread back out.
Maybe this wasnt it.
but they didn't disappear.
FINALLY around 1pm they were coming 4,5, and 6
mins apart.
We called the midwives again.
Dropped off your cousin at a friends and headed to the center.
Today would be your birthday! Or so we thought....

Little....Impatience

Hey there baby boy.

It's official we've made it past the danger zone.

Now that you are considered in the realm of full term

You are allowed to come any day.

Two more weeks before your due date

But if you want to come and meet us early....

I wouldn't be opposed.

Papa will start work in two weeks.

God has really been good to us here.

I still struggle with trusting him daily

but I'm working on it.

I can't wait to meet you.

People have to remind me to be patient.

And that first time moms often go past their due date.

Don't get any ideas.

If you wait too long papa won't get all the snuggles

because unfortunately he'll have to go straight back to work.

I think everything is ready.

Everything except maybe me.

and well you still don't have a crib in your room

But I'm planning on the bassinet for a while anyway.

Gotta keep you close my dear.

I'm becoming enormous.

and no longer have any perception as to how big the belly is

meaning I bump into everything. 

Insurance is still iffy.

But I'm almost to the point of not caring.

Fortunately with papa's job

we'll be able to have it for you once you arrive.

But for now, we're just waiting.

Waiting to meet you.

Waiting on the next step.

And hopefully taking advantage of this time of togetherness

while we can.

Grow Strong.

One thing has changed.

I can't speak for tomorrow,

and yesterday was another story,

but today one thing has changed in our situation.

My attitude.

Today I feel so joyful and filled with praise for the Lord's goodness.

Which is a huge step because let me tell you things haven't been pretty lately.

I had been burdened with sin.

Sin that I should be completely free from 

seeing as that is promised to me in scripture

as God's child.

But I have been angry.

And preaching lies about God to myself.

That he can't.....or won't provide.

That he isn't good.

That circumstances mean his love for me is conditional.

And I believed all of them.

But today I feel a glimpse of freedom.

I see truth more clearly.

And I'm able to give glory that is due to him.

Our situation,

jobs,

insurance,

dwindling savings,

is still the same.

We have been blessed by a number of people lately.

But honestly even their giving hearts I was unable to be thankful for.

But today I am so thankful.

And I feel this peace that even if things continue this way

that I could still praise the Lord in it all.

I want to praise him,

rather than constantly ask that he change my circumstance.

I want to trust that he is a good father.

I want freedom from the expectations I have for myself

and the ones that others have for me.

I wish I could be more open about my sin for you all.

I wish I had the urge to write these blogs even when I don't feel joy.

But for now I will rejoice that there is joy in my heart.

And maybe one day I won't cover my sin

But instead cling to the promise that I am forgiven of it.

Because I am dead to sin.

And I want to walk in that truth. 

And battle temptations to speak lies to myself.

And I want freedom

And Jesus wants to grant me that.

Home Sweet Apartment

Hey there Micaiah,

So papa and I have been living in our apartment since Tuesday.

And slowly but surely things are coming together.

It's weird to think that this will be your first home.

I'm excited to begin getting things ready for you.

But unfortunately that means purchases. 

And money. Which is stretched a little thin at the moment.

So things will progress more slowly.

But we will get there.

Plus how much could you really need at first? 

I'm still stressing about the pending status of my insurance.

I've called all of these number a dozen times over.

We start making payments for care next week

and have to have your whole birth paid for in 3 weeks.

YIKES.

Fortunately, if we do get insurance before you arrive we will be reimbursed.

But still it's a little scary.

Your daddy has a second interview scheduled for next week Monday.

Hopefully things go well in that department.

But as much as I gripe and groan about money...

We truly are well cared for.

I may not have many of my wants

but I have everything I need.

And that's all by God's goodness and grace.
Like this apartment.
Smaller than we had hoped for but we have a place to live.

He gave us this savings.

He provides for us daily.

Yes we need to be good stewards, but he knows our needs.

Things never have worked out for me in the way I plan them in my head

so I don't know why I always expect the Lord to follow MY plan.

For now I have to daily trust him.

I haven't been doing that so well lately.

When we spend money I panic.

I panic about the future that isn't promised to me.

Baby boy, I hope there comes a tomorrow

and a day after

and after that

till I meet you.

But even you aren't promised to me.

I'm fortunate to get to love and care for you today.

So I'm going to continue to ask Jesus for grace to live each day as it's own day.

And trust that he knows exactly what he is doing.

Grow Strong Baby

So Very Pregnant

Hey there Micaiah,

So today I feel very pregnant.

I'm going through the whole 1st trimester nausea again.

Minimal episode of upchucking this trimester though.

Still happens but fortunately not like before.

I took a two hour nap this afternoon.

Wow what a lump I am.

I could have slept even longer too!

You have learned this new trick

Where you pinch a nerve in my leg

And cause the entire thing to go numb.

Thats fun.

*walk walk walk, searing pain/numbness, immobility*

It is somewhat comical though.

I think people wonder about my sanity.

Things in STL are still moving slowly.

But my outlook on it all has been better this week.

Papa has a phone interview coming up.

Hopefully that turns into something.

Tomorrow marks one month since our move.

And Tuesday we get into our apartment.

Finally have some things figured out for your birth.

I will meet some of the midwives for the birthing center on Thursday.

I'm excited for you to arrive. 

And getting to the point of being 

SO OVER PREGNANCY.

I just want to meet you.

I want to see your little face.

Get to know your personality.

I love you...but I don't know you.

I'm ready to start getting to know you.

But come on your time.

And Grow Strong Micaiah James.

Patience, Cousins, and a Name.

Hey there baby boy,

Well papa and I have moved. 

And we continue to wait.

This move has been filled with fear for me.

Yet confirmation in the need to be here. 

But we still need a job for papa.

and a home.

and insurance.

and a lot of little things.

But we know God can provide.
And we will wait on his timing.
And continue to pursue the things we know he wants from us.

On Monday, we found out that your new cousin is a BOY!

Another boy in the Wiedeman clan!

You two will be buds I hope.

While we were in Chicago visiting family for the 4th
we decided to reveal your name.

We weren't going to let people know it...

but we love it and you.

And now the rest of the family knows.

So now we can call you by your name.

And in 9 weeks we will see your face.
The funniest part of all was when papa and I decided on Micaiah James
we had no idea that your grandpa had wanted to name dad's sisters that if they had been boys.
So Auntie Sabriah or Adriel would have been Micaiah if they were boys.
Haha. I guess you get to be the lucky one.
Your name means, "Who is like Yahweh?"
And your middle name is your great grandfather's name.

I can not wait to meet you.
And see the face that goes with this name.
Grow Strong Micaiah.