One thing has changed.

I can't speak for tomorrow,

and yesterday was another story,

but today one thing has changed in our situation.

My attitude.

Today I feel so joyful and filled with praise for the Lord's goodness.

Which is a huge step because let me tell you things haven't been pretty lately.

I had been burdened with sin.

Sin that I should be completely free from 

seeing as that is promised to me in scripture

as God's child.

But I have been angry.

And preaching lies about God to myself.

That he can't.....or won't provide.

That he isn't good.

That circumstances mean his love for me is conditional.

And I believed all of them.

But today I feel a glimpse of freedom.

I see truth more clearly.

And I'm able to give glory that is due to him.

Our situation,

jobs,

insurance,

dwindling savings,

is still the same.

We have been blessed by a number of people lately.

But honestly even their giving hearts I was unable to be thankful for.

But today I am so thankful.

And I feel this peace that even if things continue this way

that I could still praise the Lord in it all.

I want to praise him,

rather than constantly ask that he change my circumstance.

I want to trust that he is a good father.

I want freedom from the expectations I have for myself

and the ones that others have for me.

I wish I could be more open about my sin for you all.

I wish I had the urge to write these blogs even when I don't feel joy.

But for now I will rejoice that there is joy in my heart.

And maybe one day I won't cover my sin

But instead cling to the promise that I am forgiven of it.

Because I am dead to sin.

And I want to walk in that truth. 

And battle temptations to speak lies to myself.

And I want freedom

And Jesus wants to grant me that.