Little.....uglies

Hey there baby, 

It's time to be really honest.

And I realize there may be lots of judgement with this post,

but I think I'm going to write it anyway.

Your mom has struggled with body image and eating issues in her past

and well her growing belly sometimes exacerbates those past sins.

I had a rough day yesterday.

I'm in that looking fat but not pregnant stage.

I used to over eat.

To the point of making myself so sick but never throwing up.

Thankfully I haven't struggled with that in a long time.

Now I have different struggles.

But mostly they are centered around my need to feel worth something 

and beautiful in the eyes of myself and others.

I'm writing this, because regardless of gender you will struggle with sin just as I do.

You will judge yourself, you will judge others, you will have pride and deal with all kinds of sin.
The fact is as much as the world wants to give us a standard of beauty it can't.
The contorted images of perfection are still all very different.
Beauty was marred when sin entered this world.
There is no perfection outside of Jesus.
And there is only uniqueness.
And God created that.
Each of us unique, meant to be perfect but marred by sin in this world.
One day in heaven we'll be renewed but until then we have to fight.
I want you to know this because you will struggle here.
You may fight the fight of body image
Depression
Self loathing
Or an array of many other battles.
But know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You are meant to be here.
To have these struggles.
To see God's glory in it all.
Mom isn't always fighting these battles and sins well.
Forgive me when my example fails you.
Forgive me when I forget to remind you of the beauty within you put there by the God of the Universe
the one who created you and seeks relationship with you.
I pray you come to know him.
He is the only way.
The only way to have victory.
The one who deserves all glory and honor.
I wish things were prefect for you.
I wish the world wasn't like this...
but I'm thankful that sin's penalty is paid for.
That you can have victory in this world.
So I'll try to remember that.
For myself and for you.
Victory didn't come without sacrifice, but that is paid for us if we accept it.
I'll be praying you come to know this.
Grow Strong Baby.

Little...wives tales

Hey there baby,

In a little over a month we get to find out if you are a boy or girl.

I realize that none of these will help with knowing what you are

but I thought it would be fun to see if the wives tales can predict anything.

So I'm picking a few wives tales and we'll see what happens in 5 weeks.

1: Which side mom sleeps on

if it's the right, girl, left, boy.

Result: I sleep mostly on the right....and my back

which apparently isn't good once we get father along

but I can't help it and wake up that way anyways.

2: If daddy gains weight

If he does you are a girl, if not you are a boy

Dad never gains weight haha.

He may have because he can't work out right now but I doubt that is related to you.

so I guess....boy.

3: morning sickness

no morning sickness=boy, morning sickness=girl

well you're definitely a girl by this measure.

4:Cravings

meats, cheese, salty=boy, sweets=girl

Man I love me some cheese fries with bacon so boy.

5:Headaches

More headaches=boy Fewer=girl

Uh more. And it is no fun.

6:Heart Rate

above 140=girl Below=boy

You have a strong girlish heartbeat.

Well it looks like the odds are pretty much even.

I'd say what I think you are, but if you aren't that I don't want you to feel bad later on.

We love you no matter what. 

I can't wait to meet you baby Wiedeman.

Little....moments and movements and wishes

Hey there baby!

FINALLY mum and papa get a break from the craziness.

We are all going to visit your grandpa(grandma is in St. Louis) and some of your aunts and uncles.

Mummy has been so tired lately, and I think I'm losing my mind.

I can't remember anything anymore.

I wanted to tell you to keep a moving baby.

I've only felt you twice but it's like magic.

I'm glad you enjoyed the music I played. 

Ahh I just felt you a moment ago.
That's 3 times.

I really like that.

Thanks for letting me know you are still there.
I guess you are a popular topic with my kiddos.
At PT conferences mom's congratulated me on my apple sized baby.
Haha those kids are almost as excited to meet you as I am.
They keep asking when they get to see you.
I know papa is excited to meet you.
I feel bad for him when I can feel you move and he can't yet.
Soon you'll be bigger and I'll let you nudge him too.
Keep growing strong!

Little.....it's just life

Hey baby,

I don't have any topical discussion for you today.

I just want to write.

I think this is kind of my way of doing life with you while you are still in my tummy.

Mum has decided to get more active.

And by that I mean I've started walking.

Not the most glamorous of exercises, but that's what the doctor said to do.

I wish I had been one of those epic moms who ran a marathon with you before you were born

but who am I kidding I hate to run.

I ran a half marathon once... I might have kind of liked it

but it's been so long that I'm not supposed to be running with you.

But I'll do my best baby.

I want you to have a good start in life.

Papa went on a walk with us last week.

It was sweet holding his hand and listening to him chat.

I'm not very good at making conversation.

You can probably tell that from the off topic ramblings I do here.
Mostly I've been walking with another new mommy.
We get to talk about you little's.
Papa is letting me make my first purchase for you this coming week.
I'm so excited!
It's nothing amazing, and it's a hand me down but I can't wait for you to be here to see it.
It's a bassinet.
I hope you like it.
I admit I'm purchasing it for me just as much as you.
I'm sorry that you'll probably get a lot of hand me downs.
In part it's because mum and dad are just not banks, in fact we owe banks(or rather loan companies) lots of money from our school days.
And there is a teensy part of me that loves having something with a history.
But you will probably have to deal with this your whole life.
Don't worry you'll come to understand that things are just that, things.
They get old. They get used. They aren't worth much in the end.
You can't take them with you when you are gone.
Mum has to tell herself this a lot too.
But I guess you haven't really learned to want things yet.
That's good.
We'll work on that when it comes time.
But for now, know you are loved.
We will do for you as much as we can.
And we will love you always.

Little.....I love you

Hey there baby,

I heard your little heart beating away today.

It's magical every time. 

It's hard to explain my love for you.

I've never seen you.

I don't know your likes or dislikes.

I don't know if you will chose to follow Jesus.

I don't know anything but the number on that doppler.

Today it was 153.

Still growing strong I hope.

But with all those unknowns

my heart is so full.

I have hope that you will love Jesus.

I have hope for your future.

I have hope the despite my failures you will know love.

I feel as though I could burst in happiness when I think of you

Even this morning with the queasiness

I just thought of how its a sign that you are okay.

You are still with us.

I have such fear that one day you won't be.

You are our child.

From the moment God formed you within me.

You will always be my baby.

And I will always love you.

Papa too, though it's harder for him to show it yet.

He isn't reminded daily like I am.

As my belly grows.

Or as I smell something from two rooms away.

Haha.

But he does.

We do.

We love you.

Grow strong baby.

Little ... foodie problems

Hey there baby,

I'm not sure why you seem to hate everything with any flavor.

I'm close to giving up on cooking.

And well ,eating is interesting too.
Apparently you are not a fan of mexican rice.

Or of Asparagus or porkchops.

We didn't last long on either of those meals.

Apparently the peanut butter and banana snack was icky too.

You are going to be picky aren't you?

Thanks for keeping it outside of work.

They already think I'm weird with the copious amounts of bathroom trips.

I thought that was supposed to happen later...

I don't think you'd stay a secret much longer at work even if I wanted you to.

But I'd prefer it if we keep the upchucking to ourselves.

No one needs to hear/deal with that.

Plus it's comical to gross out papa.

He handles it well. 

I think I just need an outlet sometimes. 

I tell him all my woes.

And you too...even if you don't respond

Honestly, neither does papa. He just say's "that's nice"

and moves on.

Pregnancy is no vacation.

But I venture to guess it's going to be easier than parenthood.

So I should count my blessings right?

I guess I can go bland and cold for a while. 

If this were a diet thing I'd never last,

but knowing it's for you gives me far more motivation.
Only for you.

I love you, you sweet thing.

Grow Strong.

Little.....blessings

Hey Baby,

So I wanted to tell you that although I complain

about the sickness

the pubescent teenager acne

the bloating

the expense of it all.

I think you are a blessing.

Truly and honestly I am so thankful for you.

You were a surprise that's for sure.

But when I think of the miracle that you are I can't help but feel in awe.

In awe that the Creator of the universe is forming you within me.

In awe by how many things have to go exactly right just for you to come into being.

I think that loving you gives me a better understanding of love.

I don't even know you yet and I love you.

I desire your affection and I have the highest hopes for you.

In my desires for you I think of Christ's love for me.

When I reject Jesus and sin against him

he loves me.

When I did not know him he knew and cared for me.

He has high hopes for my future and desires for me to love him so.

I can't tell you that I'll be able to always love you like that

But I can guarantee God feels that way about you even now.

You are precious to him, just as you are to papa and I.

So I am sorry for the complaints.

I'm still learning to be like Jesus.