The Garden Gnome by:Keeley Stelzer

 So I had an assignment for a class to make a narrative using the initial /n/ sound. So I wrote this short story. I have always loved rhymes and my favorite books as a child were in rhyme. I have also always loved writing stories for children and hope to one day publish some of the things I've written. I hope you enjoy this little story.

A season of singleness

As I felt called to and decided to take this season of singleness I realized a lot more about how I idolize relationships with men. God made us to be relational beings but I put earthly relationships above the one on one I have with Christ. Instead of running to the Lord when my day is awful, or even when it's great I run directly to an earthly person. At first I figured it was just a problem with males, but as I stepped back from it I realized my problem was in valuing all relationships over Christ. This summer I have grown so close to a select group of Godly women, and they became my outlet for pain, sin struggles, happiness etc. I began to realize the the problem was far deeper than relationships with guys. I didn't desire Christ. My view of God was that he was this person I ran to with the big things rather than a relational being. While I am working on taking everything to the Lord first I still desire that immediate feedback from a physically present being. I'm so quick to forget that as a Christian I carry Christ with me. I am empowered by the holy spirit and therefore he is ever present in side of me. Daily worship of the Lord, and expanding my view of him has helped some but I struggle with feelings of loneliness when not surrounded by other. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer.  In him I can do all things. These are the truths I have to preach to myself daily. The stronger I grow in relationship with him the more I see him in every circumstance. He carries me, when I no longer have the strength to walk.

Mighty to Save

The past few weeks have been an emotional and spiritual roller coaster for me as the summer winds down and I start to get distracted by anything and everything. My walk with the Lord will always be a journey of striving towards a perfection that I will not attain until I reach heaven, but some days are more difficult than others. The apostle Paul writes in Philippians 3:12 "Not that I have already obtained all this, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." What an encouragement to know that Christ took hold of me, and my obedience to him does not determine my salvation but rather because of who he is I will serve him.

My mind set used to be(and very often still is) that I served the Lord because he loved me. While that's all fine and dandy I want to serve him for who he is, not what he does. For so long I have used the Lord as my "Mr. Fix it" I run to him to solve my problems. The Bible was my "How to live a happy fulfilled life for dummies" book. What I've discovered is that I know nothing about the amazing God I serve. If I knew and worshiped him truly I wouldn't care about my own life in the self absorbed way I do. I would love others in the way that the Lord pours his love on me.

This morning I was reading in the Psalms and was so encouraged by the attributes of God expressed in Chapter 118:1-17. It reads,
"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; His love endures forever.
Let Israel say: "His love endures forever."
 Let the house of Aaron say: "His love endures forever."
Let those who fear the LORD say: "His love endures forever."
In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.
 The LORD is with me: I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
 I will look in triumph on my enemies.
 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in Princes.
All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the Lord I cut them off.
I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me.
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous; "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
 The LORD's right hand is lifted high; The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done."

How much the Lord does for us! The rest of the chapter is amazing and I encourage you to read the rest and sit, stand, bow, or whatever else in awe of who God is. The bigger my picture of God the better I worship.

a never ending cycle

God is so sovereign and his plan is perfect but I have been really struggling lately with trusting him in every aspect of my life. I keep going through what feels like a never ending battle of the ups and downs of my life. When I get to a point of spiritual growth Satan begins to attack and while I know he's lying to me, he's a really convincing liar. My struggles have this interwoven pattern that makes it really difficult to fight, because when I fail in one area it just knocks me down in another. Firstly is my need to be loved. God is the ultimate lover. I am his bride, but that doesn't mean I always remember that or cease from looking for love and affection from other people. When I seek out others attention I usually get it but then I start to have doubts about my worth when I don't receive affirmation. This is when the domino of body image begins to fall. I get really hard on the way I look I either go one way and completely binge or get really restrictive. Then domino number three falls and I get back to the depressed place I was in last summer where I start to pull away from people and just sleep all the time. I felt like this little pattern was breaking this summer because God was just pouring so much love on me but the moment I took my eyes off him for a second its like the battle began again right from the beginning. I know that I am his daughter, his bride, his love and that he will fight for me and with me, I know all those things in my head but my heart doesn't seem to feel the same today. Today I'm not up for fighting the battle. Keep me in your prayers as I preach the gospel to myself. If you feel this way know that you're not alone. I have a mighty warrior on my side but the battle is trying.

My summer project

So this summer was looking rather boring and bleak when it first began. Truthfully I was struggling a lot with jealousy over my friends who felt called and got the chance to go on summer projects. The community that they would have and the spiritual growth that would happen for them was something I desired. I didn't understand why God wanted to keep me here at this job, and in this town were I had very few friends, most of which lived too far away to really see much. I am so grateful that the Lord is in control. I have been so blessed this summer by the people he has put into my life.

It all started with a birthday party of a girl in my church I barely knew. I went based on the fact that I was simply bored and had nothing planned that day. Then Melissa and Kristen came into my life. These freshman sweeties invited me to a small group at the church I had been attending for the past two years. I always wanted to join one and had even had plans to check one out that week on Thursday. Their small group met on Tuesday's so I went to it first. I had an instantaneous connection with the girls in that group and the guys were so good at being spiritual leaders, I never did end up looking at other small groups. Yes I'm one of the oldest there but that stretches me to look at 1Tim 4:12 in a different light. it says "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." I was never usually on the end of looking down on others for being young but realized recently I had been. Luckily God has been teaching me so much through the lives of those who are younger than I am and it's been incredible.

Then God rocked my world again when I realized I was getting invested in just one girl in the small group and that I needed to seek out more community and have a love for each girl there. That's sort of how our women's time began. We're going to be meeting once a week and just living life together. Katie, the two Kristen's Becky and I are all pumped for growing closer together and ultimately closer to God.

Another blessing I have received this summer has been the sweet sweet Norcross family. While Maime is probably my favorite, seeing as I know her best, they have been an incredible surrogate family. It's humbling not having a car and calling people for rides to and from work or to get groceries but these people give up so much of their time for me. Whether it's a walmart trip an early morning run or just time to relax and talk about Jesus they give up their precious time to meet my needs.

My view of God and his provision has been enlarged so much recently and he is continually working in my life. Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I am so glad he's working on me. I can't wait until that day when I'm in his presence, whole and complete. I didn't go anywhere for a summer project, but the Lord has made a project out of perfecting me(when I let him).

Father's Day

While I am beginning to fall so in love with my one true father God, the creator of the universe, I wanted to write a little bit about the blessing of a Father he gave me here on earth. Bruce Wayne Stelzer is the nerdiest, quirkiest, most intelligent, resourceful, and loving man I know. He is the hardest worker I have ever met and is such a sacrificial giver. Some of my earliest memories of him are the times when he would come home from work, when I was still quite young, after a long day and eat dinner with me. He was almost always late to dinner because he worked oh somewhere around 14 hour days(if not more) and I was an incredibly slow eater. That little bit of time where it was just he an I at the table was so special to me. Even after putting in long hours he'd come home and invest moments of time in my family. Game nights were pretty much how we stayed connected, whether it was us all shouting Farkle around the table falling over in our chairs, teaming up boys against girls in a game of hand and foot, or playing one of the many other games we so loved, he sacrificed the sleep to smile along with us.
My dad is a story teller, a jokester, and sometimes incredibly hard to shut up, and while this may not always be my favorite thing about him it is who he is. His father is one of his great hero's and also mine. Dad always told stories about the things he and grandpa Earl did together, invented together, built together and more. I never knew my grandpa but he sure taught my father how to be a man. Dad is handy and knows oh so much. It seems that whenever mom has her eye on something new dad is prepared to build it(probably more to save money than anything lol). I remember he built a wooden flower trellis for her once, he built a room in our basement, learned how to re-roof a house alongside his brother, the man just never stops working. Fishing was a passion he instilled in me as a child and one hobby I know he wishes he had time for today. He tills, and plants our garden every year so we can have organic veggies(and also save some money haha). But the thing that I have seen in my father lately that overflows my heart with joy is his love. His love for the Lord and the wisdom he instills in me about the need for spiritual growth because he didn't seek after the Lord at my age. For my mother, the little notes they wrote each other on valentines day that were still around the house when I came home in May.  His love for his son, I see his pride whenever my brother Josh accomplishes another amazing thing. And his love for me. Thank you Papa for loving our family, for setting a good example, and for sacrificing for us all. Happy Father's Day

Are we ashamed?

Jesus girl, church girl, Bible thumper and a plethora of other names have been thrown at me. Their goal: to demean me and silence my testimony.

Something I've realized a lot lately is that so many of my "Christian" friends have taken on the role of silencing their own testimonies on the basis of being unoffensive to "non-Christians". While it's all good and dandy that you don't want to be abrasive when you share the gospel, stopping all together is wrong. Jesus himself was not well liked. The truth he spread was not always spoken in a tactful way. Jesus was offensive. Why? Because hearing about your imperfections and faults is never something that makes you feel good about yourself, but it shouldn't stop us from sharing the cure.

Ephesians 6:19&20 Paul writes "Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."

Whenever he opens his mouth! Living a life filled with the spirit should be seen at all times. Our faith in the saving power of Jesus' death and resurrection should be spilling out into our daily lives every time we open our mouths. For me I know this is an area I need to work on. I don't like to step on people's toes, I hate confrontation, and I like being well liked, but I will not go on silencing myself and letting others tell me that I am too much in love with Jesus. Go hard, or go home(Lecrae). I don't mind those names that I get called, because they tell me I'm doing something right. I will not be silenced, especially by other Christians, because I know the cure for the worst disease imaginable....sin. His name is Jesus.

The Lord most high watches out for me. He is Sovereign

Let me tell you, this day has been wonderful. So many things went wrong but the Lord saw me through it all. This morning I awoke crabby and angry at my smoke detector that was beeping at 4:30am. Upset that I had to spend $5 on a single battery my mood didn't really improve. I spent some time reading my Bible this morning at a local coffee shop, as is sort of my thing, and my spirits slowly lifted. I eventually realized how shallow my grumbling had been. The Lord blessed me with  breath to breathe and life to live I should rejoice in it. Later in the afternoon I got on my bike, somewhat nervous to go back to work for the first day in 3 weeks, but headed out in a better mood. Then it happened. All to quickly and in a very surreal way I was hit by a car. No worries I have REALLY MINOR scratches. I felt so bad for the poor guy who hit me who was completely freaking out. My bikes tires were crooked and I couldn't really ride it the rest of the way to work so Andrew(the guy who hit me) ended up dropping me off. We exchanged phone numbers and he told me to call him when I got off and he would take me to get a new bike.

The only injuries I have

The actually event of being hit went somewhat like this. I was approaching a four way intersection and the lights were green. Cars were going and coming my direction but none of them were turning so it seemed safe to cross. I saw Andrews car, in the right lane of the street perpendicular to the one I was on, with his turn signal on but he wasn't moving and on coming traffic was headed our way so he couldn't really move....or so I thought. I started to cross the street. Everything from there kinda slowed down I saw his car moving, felt it touch my left side, then felt myself getting lifted into the air,(it was kind of fun the feeling of flying) and my bike being pulled beneath his car. He stopped and everything was now going by at a regular speed. I got up scathed but unharmed picked up my bike and started to go on my merry way. I assured him I had not obtained injuries that needed medical attention and he insisted I meet him on the other side of the street. I did as instructed once I realized my bike was not going to get me to work. I asked him for a ride since I really needed to get to work it had been three weeks and I needed the money. He gave me his cell phone number while in the car and I texted him my name. Then I tried my best to calm the poor boy down. We chit chatted about school and I told him when I'd be getting off, to pick out a new bike.

My sweet new bike

At work I was giddy, over joyed that the Lord had been so wonderful to protect me. Every time I told the story to a co-worker I couldn't help but laugh. The bike I had been riding was an old $40 find. A a lady my father worked with sold it to me. One brake didn't work, it was rusty, and well I was glad to be getting a new one. I got off work an hour early called Andrew up and he took me to walmart. I think he's still in shock. We pick out my awesome boy bike that I am super thankful for. As we were leaving walmart and I was getting into the truck of  a friend who had come to pick me up Andrew asked me to wait for a moment. He went to his car and when he returned he gave me a gift card to starbucks. A new bike and free coffee, boy does the Lord have a sense of humor. I hope that I get an opportunity to use this experience to show Christ to Andrew. I'm sure we'll keep in touch but more importantly I'm thankful for a God who knows my every need. I needed a new bike. I needed a better attitude today. I needed another way to show my co-workers how Christ works in me. I hold no malice toward Andrew. I hope to be his friend. I am so thankful for a God who protects.

Thankful

One human. One sin. That was all it took for worlds of people to be condemned to a death in hell. Doomed to a separation from a heavenly father, the creator, for an eternity. One man. Wholly God but fully man. Perfect, blameless, righteous sacrifice of blood. He who took upon himself the sins of the world. An incomprehensible love for such lowly beings. His name is Jesus. Risen. Conqueror of death, took our punishment and offers an everlasting life. A gift. Free. Unearned, undeserved, unacknowledged, spoken of too little. The only cure for a dying world. John 3:16"For God so loved the world that he gave his ONE and ONLY son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

My Best Friend

So I figured I'd finally write this blog because well everyone always asks how Alyssa and I met so you might as well have the whole story. Yeah we're as close as sisters, we're best friends and we tell each other everything...good and bad. However, there is something that comes as a big surprise to many...we've only known each other for 3 years. How can we be this close without years of background friendship? It is because God put us into each others lives strategically for our growth.

Three years ago my parents announced that we might be having a girl come live with us for a year or two. I was beginning my last year at DACC, the community college in my hometown, and getting ready for new adventures at a four year university. I have always been doted upon by my family, at times I enjoyed it other times not so much, but when my mother told me this news I laughed and thought to myself "She's getting a replacement daughter so when I'm gone they won't feel like empty nesters". Their plan was somewhat flawed seeing as I still had one year to finish at DACC but oh well.

You'd think that the girl coming to live with us would be an exchange student going to the university right? Well you'd be wrong. She lived in Illinois only about three hours away from us. When deciding on a college to attend Alyssa weighed her options. A track scholarship pointed her towards DACC as a viable option, but Danville is not really an ideal place to live. Having only slightly considered the possibility of coming to my community college it was brought up in her church back home that she could attend this school for two years for free. After being prayed over she was approached by some family friends who had lived in Danville for a number of years. Calls were made about possible apartments and other living options.

Friends of my family brought up the fact that Alyssa may be attending DACC and was looking for housing in my parents Sunday school class. And for whatever reason, though I know now that it was undeniably God laying it on my mothers heart, my parents thought about opening our home to her. My brother moved out the year prior so we had plenty of room, and like I said in a year they'd be empty nesters anyway.

So the Krauss' made a plan to come visit and check out the place. Believe me Danville is no sight to see when you get here. It's a run down town that was once very successful but now has become one of the worst places to live in America(<- yeah that was on the news...and it did wonders for improving our town). At the time I worked two jobs and went to school and when the Krauss' were planning on visiting first I was supposed to be at work. Luckily they came early enough that I could say hello before heading to the restaurant. She seemed really shy but didn't look like a crazy person so I was fine, we could live together well enough and besides I only had to be there for one year.

Little did I know the thoughts that had been running through her head. All Alyssa knew about me was that I had been home schooled for most of my life, grew up in a fairly strict Baptist Church, and that I "didn't have a facebook". A list of things that would have seemingly put me in a category of being socially inept. While most of those things were true, I was home schooled from 3rd grade on yet still an incredibly out going person with many friends, I did grow up in a Baptist church, but this grew my faith very strongly and the legalistic tendencies they may have had at times were no bigger than those of any other church, and well I did have a facebook but for reasons I won't go into did not have my last name on it for many years, I was still your normal 19 year old.

Thank heavens I stuck around instead of leaving for work incredibly early as I typically do because once she realized I was "normal" she decided that it wouldn't be impossible to live with me. I'd like to say we became immediate friends but that didn't exactly happen. She took a while to adjust and I took a while to realize I needed to reach out to her, but once we did those things we just clicked. 3yrs later and we have lived together, fought with each other, cried over insignificant and also very significant things, had adventures, lived out the dull days, made each other laugh, been called crazy(because we are), gone through trials, grown in our love for each other as friends, grown in our love for our Savior, mentored one another and we are best friends now and forever. God knew we'd need each other, I'm certainly glad he knows what he's doing.

Proverbs 27:17"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Living in Danville still

friendly mimicking

Weddings

Graduations

Sun bathing 90ft in the air

rock climbing

Thats my best friend

Journalings

College. It's been one of the best experiences of my life. Not because of the atmosphere or the classes or anything other than the fact that I realized here what it means to truly walk with the Lord. I'm going to fail so often but knowledge is the beginning. I have people here that pour truth into my life daily and while those truths can hurt, because they show my utter sinfulness, it's also beautiful to see just how amazing God's grace is.

I try to journal daily as I read the Bible and today I was reading one of Paul's letters, this time to the Corinthian church. I love the way Paul writes because you can see just how big his view of our Savior is. These were the thoughts that came to my head and spilled into my journal as I read 1Cor. 1:22-31

Knowing God alone should be a sufficient message to solidify our faith. If knowing Christ isn't enough......then you don't really know him. We are not more wise than our creator, yet we rest in our own understanding. The Jews asked for signs, the Greeks for wisdom, and the Gentiles where confused when all they received was the message of Jesus' death and resurrection. They thought they were above this truth and that logically there had to be more.
My Bible then prompted me to read Jeremiah 9:23-24 "Thus saith the Lord, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich many glory in his riches: But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the Lord which exercises loving-kindness, judgement, and righteousness in the earth; for in these things I delight, saith the Lord."

The greatest thing I can boast about is our Lord. The one who blesses us with wisdom and wealth. Rather than looking at and praising the giver of gifts, I look at the gift and give myself glory as if I had anything to do with it. When I achieve in school rather than praising the Lord for allowing me to do well and for giving me the capacity to learn and breath and life I look at myself and my accomplishments and call them MINE. It should be for his glory. The best thing we can boast in is Jesus.

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection.


-Keeley Janae

Expectation

Expectation is the root of all heartache.-William Shakespeare


I ran across this quote recently and it's funny because it describes my life at this moment perfectly. A big lesson I'm being taught right now is that my plan for my life is not the same as God's plan always. A lot of the disappointment I've felt in the past few months is because of my goals for my life. I used to be so focused(and many times I still am) on the future I laid out for myself. It went a lot like this: Get into a good grad school, get a good job, marry a great guy, be happy. Guess what? <- that doesn't equate with happiness. Go figure. My happiness shouldn't be balanced on circumstances but my joy should come from my relationship with Christ. A relationship I haven't been doing a good job of building.This year I have grown so much. Most of my growth has come out of the dark and unhappy times when God tells me he should be my all. I get so down on myself for my shortcomings. I have a heart full of anger and hurt and I get depressed when I let those feelings over take me. Its so much easier to just hide behind the façade of the happy go lucky Christian girl.
Lots of people aren't honest about what life is really like when you accept Christ. It is not some quick fix. Trials come and go just like they do in everyone's life but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.Phil 4:13. Sometimes I have to repeat this to myself over an over. Especially in situations where I have to repent of my sin and ask for forgiveness. There have been so many days recently where I get overwhelmed to the point of tears and I pull away from the people who love me, luckily my Saviour is ever with me. He never leaves nor forsakes me. I am a Child of God, flawed but forgiven.

Berlin (pt 3 the legit stuff)

Wow. There aren't even words that can express all the things God did on my trip. Most of his work was on my own heart. I'm still processing it all and trying to soak in the lessons he has taught me. I'll try to be brief and if you want to know more about my trip I'd love to tell you one on one.

First and foremost Berlin is HARD. You know the butterflies you get when you are about to tell someone that Jesus defines who you are, that he's the most incredible savior the world has ever seen and he wants a personal relationship with every individual on this earth? Yeah? well multiply those butterflies by 100 and you get what I went through in Berlin. God is not a name that is spoken there. The Country of Germany was oppressed in the name of religion before and so God isn't really something they like to chit chat about. Jesus....well they don't even really know who he was.

While there were many times I was discouraged when I asked people if I could talk to them about their lives and about religion and they rejected me, it always reminded me of just how big the God I serve is. It really showed me that I deep within my core believe that Jesus took the place for my sins so that I don't have to go to hell. It showed me just how much he cares for me.

I'm a very emotional person. My heart breaks easily, and my heart broke completely for the people in Berlin. When talking to an Atheist woman I realized just how much she needed to know that God loved her. Christianity isn't understood there. There is a huge stigma that we're self righteous and pushy, and breaking that misconception was hard. Why? Because we can be those things, luckily we have grace.

Berlin is so diverse. I met very few German students. Most of my interactions were with people from all over the place. Thats a huge reason I think God wants to reach Berlin. Making an impact there really could change the world.

The gospel was shared with numerous students on our trip, but no one made a decision. I left Germany on Sunday feeling defeated. I wanted to see people believing what I know is true but that didn't happen. So I took it to Christ and he gave me Hebrews 11. It's all about faithfulness and how the faithful often don't get to see the rewards of being obedient. God is sovereign and I know he's working in the hearts of the people we shared with. I trust that he'll do the work.....because only he can.


P.S there are people I was really impacted by so if you think of them be in prayer that God will move in their hearts. Costas- a new student who came from Greece. Natalie- a timid girl from Poland who isn't sure God could care about her "boring life".  And especially Hannah- a professor who's 5yr old daughter has been asking her about Jesus.

Berlin(pt2 how he ripped my list to pieces)

Like I said I gave God a list of things he had to do to get me to Germany. I don't know if I trusted that he was big enough to accomplish it, but boy and I glad I was wrong.

It started over winter break when for some odd reason a family felt led by God to give me $1,000. I took it in shock wondering what in the world he had in store for this. I hadn't been praying about my financial situation, yes money was tight but he was providing. I thought well maybe he's just blessing me with this so my rent will be paid and I won't have to worry.

When Berlin was brought up to me and I was told that the trip would cost a total of $1600 I thought hmm well maybe thats why...but this was my gift and I want to use it however I please. Luckily God smacked that notion out of my head fairly quickly. Raising $600 wasn't going to be a big burden so I started to cross off finances from my list.

Next I made the call to my parents. I don't know why I thought there might be opposition but they were so excited for me. It couldn't have been easier.

Then came my passport: I needed to start the process quickly if I was going to get it in time. I would have done is sooner but I had to wait for my birth certificate in the mail. When it came I filled out all the appropriate paper work and took it to the post office to have it sent away. Being born in the 80's in South Carolina apparently they did the whole birth certificate thing differently. My certificate is just slightly bigger than a credit card and when I showed it to the man at the passport desk he took a good 3mins flipping it, rubbing his hand over it, giving me puzzling looks. Eventually he gave me a few options. "I've never seen a birth certificate like this and I don't know if the passport offices will accept it, you may need a long form so here is what you can do" 1)send it now and order the long form then start the process over and expedite if they reject it(this options costs about $300). 2)Wait for the long form and try again.(cost $200)  Or 3) send it now and hope they accept it($130).

Needless to say I chose option 3 praying that if God wanted me to go he'd either give me the funds for a second try or let it run it's course. 1.5 weeks later I called the offices to check on the status of my passport and they said that nothing had come up about my birth certificate and that it looked as though things were going alright. They asked me the date of my trip and told me that it was projected to arrive 2 days before I left, but I could spend $70 and get it there faster. I gave them the "I'll call back in a week to check on it and expedite then if necessary" answer. A week later my passport arrived before I made the phone call.

Well my finances were still lacking in $600 and I was preparing to write my letters of support to send to friends to raise the rest but for some reason I felt the need to call and thank the family who felt led to give me the $1000. I knew that they would love to hear how God was using them. I told them about my trip and thanked them for what they had done for me, hung up the phone. At that point I had a peace about getting the rest of the money for my trip. 5 mins later I get another phone call from the same family telling me that they had felt led to pray about my trip and thought God was calling them to send the rest of the money to me. I wrote one letter of support to that family and I had everything provided for me. I can't even begin to thank them for how they allowed God to use them in my life.

Then on to my boss: I had asked for the 9 days off for Panama, Florida and went in to talk to him about how likely it was that I was going to get those days off. He said he wasn't able to guarantee anything because so many students were leaving but that he'd try. I explained that I was no longer going to Florida but rather to Germany. He turned and looked at me and said "Keeley, that is a once in a life time thing. Go. I will make sure you get the days off you need. Go, and then come back and tell me about it." I can't wait to use my experience there as a witness to him.

Lastly was my spiritual growth. While I have been continually sanctified this semester I have a tendency to focus on my failures rather than my growth. I wanted to be well equipped to share my faith but not just that to also be fully focused on Christ. I have had multiple opportunities on campus to share the gospel and it has been a wonderful experience to take them. But I know the people in Berlin will be less receptive. I feel more adequate in this area now even though it still scares me. I also wanted my heart to be in the right place. Some days I wanted to go to Berlin just to get away from the US from the drama in my life and from the complacency I feel here. Other times it's all about wanting others to have a relationship with the God of the universe. I have been in the word more this semester than probably in my whole Christian walk but even then sometimes I did it out of obligation rather than desire for growth. Lately I've been reading Paul's letters to different churches. I started in Colossians last semester then switched to Philippians and recently ended in Philemon. And then God gave me this in sight. Philemon 1:6 "I pray that you be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have full understanding of every good thing that we have in Christ." 1) I am to share my faith and 2) every good thing(all those times when my motives are right about going to Berlin) is because I have Christ in me. I don't have to dwell on the times when my heart is not right because if I direct my focus to Christ the Holy spirit will enable me.

I can't wait to write the rest of this blog. 6 more days. Be in prayer for big things to happen in Germany. It's the Atheist capital of Europe and there will be a lot of opposition there but my God is bigger than all that.

Berlin (pt 1)

Germany. Not really my ideal vacation spot, in fact I never really give thought to the place but it was pushed into my lap as an opportunity to be obedient. So here is the story:

Campus Crusade for Christ gives students ministry opportunities over spring break. ISU's CRU had two options, Panama City Beach or Berlin, Germany. Sitting in CRU there were little cards passed around about spring break and I remember looking at the options and thinking to myself "Wow Berlin would be a great opportunity for growth. But I already decided to go to PCB and well I don't have the money, passport or time off work." So I let my first opportunity to say yes to Berlin pass me by. Then Christmas break happened and I didn't really think about it at all I was focused on other things but once I returned God kept bringing up Berlin. In CRU meetings, hearing others talk about their experience there during previous spring breaks and I felt my heart being tugged little by little.

Over break we were asked to read the book The Fuel and the Flame. It was a book about being active in our walks with Christ, pursuing him and pursuing ministry. I'm going to quote the passage that made me rethink world ministry: "There are about 600 million active Christians in the world today. Approximately 150 million of them are between 22-55 years of age(thats me right there). The estimate is that we need only about 20,000 to 30,000 of them to be cross cultural missionaries to finish reaching every unreached people group. that means we need only 1 volunteer from ever 5,000 people in this age group" This hit me like a brick wall.

Years ago I was sitting in chapel at a church camp(I was maybe 10 at the time) and there was a missionary from Bangladesh who asked us to be in prayer about being called overseas, even short term. I remember defiantly praying to God "Don't ever call me Lord, I can't and won't go. I can be a missionary right here." And while it is true that our mission to share the gospel is applicable no matter where we are I think God is showing me that he loves more than just American's and that his plan is better, by asking me to go.

After returning from winter break I was approached by the intern of CRU, Lindsey, and she asked me what I thought about Berlin. To myself I thought well it's be cool but it'll never happen for me, but I decided to pray over it and couldn't get it off my mind for days after that interaction. So I gave God my list of things he had to accomplish if he wanted me there.

The list:
1) Soften my parents hearts so that they are completely on board with my trip
2) Provide the financial support I'll need
3) Bring me a passport in time
4) Give me the time off of work
5) Grow my faith

He did it all but that story will come in a bit...

A work in progress....more like just some random thoughts.

God only knows why we didn’t work out

God only knows why I had those doubts

But he’s here to stay, he remains the same

But as for me and my heart, it’s forever changed.

My actions now reflect my love for the Lord

As I seek him out daily by reading his word

He is all sufficient, his grace meets my needs

He shows me his mercy when I’m on my knees.

Through prayer and reflection I learn more each day

And little by little he shows me the way

So thanks for the lessons you taught me those years

For showing compassion, and drying my tears

But my God is sovereign, he has his own plan

And I choose to follow the one true “I AM”

Despite the uncertainties and questions I have

I will not abandon my heavenly dad.

For he sent his son to pay for my sins

So in this short life, may my words praise him.