Expectation

Expectation is the root of all heartache.-William Shakespeare


I ran across this quote recently and it's funny because it describes my life at this moment perfectly. A big lesson I'm being taught right now is that my plan for my life is not the same as God's plan always. A lot of the disappointment I've felt in the past few months is because of my goals for my life. I used to be so focused(and many times I still am) on the future I laid out for myself. It went a lot like this: Get into a good grad school, get a good job, marry a great guy, be happy. Guess what? <- that doesn't equate with happiness. Go figure. My happiness shouldn't be balanced on circumstances but my joy should come from my relationship with Christ. A relationship I haven't been doing a good job of building.This year I have grown so much. Most of my growth has come out of the dark and unhappy times when God tells me he should be my all. I get so down on myself for my shortcomings. I have a heart full of anger and hurt and I get depressed when I let those feelings over take me. Its so much easier to just hide behind the façade of the happy go lucky Christian girl.
Lots of people aren't honest about what life is really like when you accept Christ. It is not some quick fix. Trials come and go just like they do in everyone's life but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.Phil 4:13. Sometimes I have to repeat this to myself over an over. Especially in situations where I have to repent of my sin and ask for forgiveness. There have been so many days recently where I get overwhelmed to the point of tears and I pull away from the people who love me, luckily my Saviour is ever with me. He never leaves nor forsakes me. I am a Child of God, flawed but forgiven.