A boring night turned Russian

In case you were unaware, I am a server at a restaurant, I am a graduate student and therefore on the brink of insanity, and I'm also very proficient in Russian accents. Well today I decided to throw all those things into one big ball of fun.
Monday's are usually pretty slow as a server and we have week day 7.99 deals so I rarely ever walk away with much money. Perfect day to get a little crazy, right? Almost everyone at the restaurant knows I have this accent and so I decided to tell them I was going to talk wiith ze russin eksent for hole nite. 5 tables later and a bunch of laughs and my night ends. Out of the 5 only 1 table asked me where I was from, and refusing to lie I told them. I had to fess up to my english background. They thought I was strange(go figure) and were my worst tip coming out at about 10%, I can only assume it was because they knew of the facade. The other tables were more generous with tips ranging from 15%-25% or slightly higher  and I imagine they tipped so well because they stared at me the whole time. Bet they'd feel silly knowing I have no accent. All in all it made what could have been just another boring day a far more interesting one. I got to be my crazy goofy self, put smiles on the faces of my coworkers, and just live a little more care free. I hope this puts a little smile on your face.

Constant reminders

Today I'm grateful for the constant reminders of my imperfections. Although I am really not too fond of them when they come they teach me so much. It's been a real struggle lately to truly follow the Lord. With this inner desire to fit in with the girls at school, my coworkers and every crowd I associate with in someway I feel  torn to be anything other than Christ like. While I do believe I truly desire that, I fail at it every single day. Grace is amazing and God's love is abounding so I am very lucky for that. But today I had to check my hearts intentions. I keep reminding myself that to Fear God is to care about his opinions above that of man's. Why do I care so much about my "image"? It gets lonely in graduate school. I have little time for anyone and when I do have time I'd personally rather sleep out of the sheer mental and emotional exhaustion. But God is a giver of rest and luckily this is only a season in life that I must go through. I am rambling. Back to the point. God is good! Really and truly he is the best giver of gifts ever! I am so surprised by his blessings daily and wonder what did I do to deserve it. The truth is I did nothing. I can't do anything to earn his love. That makes it all the better because he loves me for no reason at all except that he created me for his own glory.

I read this recently and you'll probably laugh because it came from pinterest, but it is SO TRUE! "When I say I am a Christian, I am not shouting I'm clean living. I'm whispering, I was lost, now I'm found and forgiven. When I say I am a Christian, I don't speak of this with pride.I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide. When I say I am a Christian, I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on. When I say I am a Christian, I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting that I've failed and need God to clean my mess. When I say I am a Christian, I'm not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible, But God believes I am worth it. When I say I am a Christian, I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon his name. When I say I am a Christian, I'm NOT holier than thou. I'm just a simple sinner, who received God's grace, somehow!"

Sometime I admit I don't view it this way. I see myself as better. But the fact is we were all dead in our trespasses. It is by God through his son Jesus's death on the cross that I am made new and alive. Dead to sin and I am FREE!

wholly dependent

As I am nearing midterms and stressing about my life (as is the case with most graduate students) I have been continually reminded that God is in control. As much as I like to plan and know my future, it is, in large part, out of my hands. God has a written will for our lives things that he specifically says "This is the will of God for you" (eg.1Thessalonians 4:3 check it out) but I also believe that he allows us to make decisions and mistakes on our own. He uses them to grow us as well as show us that He is still sovereign over all.

 As I was studying 2nd Samuel with my discipler a few weeks back we began discussing David's attitude toward God. David loved the Lord no doubt about it, and God was pretty fond of him too. However, there are instances in which David completely idolized himself (in a seemingly selfless way). How so you may ask? 2Sam 7 is a good example. David is contemplating building a house for the ark of God not a bad thing to do (in theory). He even seeks out counsel about this decision. God rather bluntly puts him in his place by telling David...I'm putting this in the words of my discipler here "I am God, you are David". Vs. 4-11 is his response. Plainly God doesn't need David to do anything for him because he has it covered. If he needed a house it would have been built. In fact he reminds David that he was the one who built his house!

Today as I read Psalm 127 I was again reminded of this. vs. 1&2 says "Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep."
This semester I have lost a lot of sleep and given in to worries more times that I can count. I don't rest on his promises as I should. Psalm 121:3b-8 also reminds me that I am so cared for. It says that the one who keeps me will not slumber. I am in his hands.

Graduation will be here sooner that I know it, and my move to St. Louis for internships will come even more quickly. I am fully in the Lords hands. It's when I take things on myself that I fail. I wish I could say that I fully understand this lesson but I have a feeling I will continue to be taught it, among other things. But just knowing that the Creator of Heaven and Earth cares for me so, is the strength I need. I am wholly dependent on him.

The Garden Gnome by:Keeley Stelzer

 So I had an assignment for a class to make a narrative using the initial /n/ sound. So I wrote this short story. I have always loved rhymes and my favorite books as a child were in rhyme. I have also always loved writing stories for children and hope to one day publish some of the things I've written. I hope you enjoy this little story.

A season of singleness

As I felt called to and decided to take this season of singleness I realized a lot more about how I idolize relationships with men. God made us to be relational beings but I put earthly relationships above the one on one I have with Christ. Instead of running to the Lord when my day is awful, or even when it's great I run directly to an earthly person. At first I figured it was just a problem with males, but as I stepped back from it I realized my problem was in valuing all relationships over Christ. This summer I have grown so close to a select group of Godly women, and they became my outlet for pain, sin struggles, happiness etc. I began to realize the the problem was far deeper than relationships with guys. I didn't desire Christ. My view of God was that he was this person I ran to with the big things rather than a relational being. While I am working on taking everything to the Lord first I still desire that immediate feedback from a physically present being. I'm so quick to forget that as a Christian I carry Christ with me. I am empowered by the holy spirit and therefore he is ever present in side of me. Daily worship of the Lord, and expanding my view of him has helped some but I struggle with feelings of loneliness when not surrounded by other. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer.  In him I can do all things. These are the truths I have to preach to myself daily. The stronger I grow in relationship with him the more I see him in every circumstance. He carries me, when I no longer have the strength to walk.

Mighty to Save

The past few weeks have been an emotional and spiritual roller coaster for me as the summer winds down and I start to get distracted by anything and everything. My walk with the Lord will always be a journey of striving towards a perfection that I will not attain until I reach heaven, but some days are more difficult than others. The apostle Paul writes in Philippians 3:12 "Not that I have already obtained all this, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." What an encouragement to know that Christ took hold of me, and my obedience to him does not determine my salvation but rather because of who he is I will serve him.

My mind set used to be(and very often still is) that I served the Lord because he loved me. While that's all fine and dandy I want to serve him for who he is, not what he does. For so long I have used the Lord as my "Mr. Fix it" I run to him to solve my problems. The Bible was my "How to live a happy fulfilled life for dummies" book. What I've discovered is that I know nothing about the amazing God I serve. If I knew and worshiped him truly I wouldn't care about my own life in the self absorbed way I do. I would love others in the way that the Lord pours his love on me.

This morning I was reading in the Psalms and was so encouraged by the attributes of God expressed in Chapter 118:1-17. It reads,
"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; His love endures forever.
Let Israel say: "His love endures forever."
 Let the house of Aaron say: "His love endures forever."
Let those who fear the LORD say: "His love endures forever."
In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.
 The LORD is with me: I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
 I will look in triumph on my enemies.
 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in Princes.
All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the Lord I cut them off.
I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me.
The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous; "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
 The LORD's right hand is lifted high; The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done."

How much the Lord does for us! The rest of the chapter is amazing and I encourage you to read the rest and sit, stand, bow, or whatever else in awe of who God is. The bigger my picture of God the better I worship.

a never ending cycle

God is so sovereign and his plan is perfect but I have been really struggling lately with trusting him in every aspect of my life. I keep going through what feels like a never ending battle of the ups and downs of my life. When I get to a point of spiritual growth Satan begins to attack and while I know he's lying to me, he's a really convincing liar. My struggles have this interwoven pattern that makes it really difficult to fight, because when I fail in one area it just knocks me down in another. Firstly is my need to be loved. God is the ultimate lover. I am his bride, but that doesn't mean I always remember that or cease from looking for love and affection from other people. When I seek out others attention I usually get it but then I start to have doubts about my worth when I don't receive affirmation. This is when the domino of body image begins to fall. I get really hard on the way I look I either go one way and completely binge or get really restrictive. Then domino number three falls and I get back to the depressed place I was in last summer where I start to pull away from people and just sleep all the time. I felt like this little pattern was breaking this summer because God was just pouring so much love on me but the moment I took my eyes off him for a second its like the battle began again right from the beginning. I know that I am his daughter, his bride, his love and that he will fight for me and with me, I know all those things in my head but my heart doesn't seem to feel the same today. Today I'm not up for fighting the battle. Keep me in your prayers as I preach the gospel to myself. If you feel this way know that you're not alone. I have a mighty warrior on my side but the battle is trying.