Little...let's talk about papa.

Hey Baby,

I just wanted to take today to tell you about your papa.

It's probably fairly obvious that I love him

but I wanted to tell you a bit about him.

Your daddy and mum have been good friends ever since they met

but it's been a relatively short while since they grew to love each other.

Mum was silly and interested in things other than your papa when they met.

However he is such a good man that when momma fell for him she fell hard.

We dated for 11 months got engaged and then married 6 months later 

and well then boom, you happened.

We are still learning how to love each other well.

But papa is the best at it.

He doesn't even know it.

It's the little things.

Like the way he picks up after me when I'm lazy, and exhausted from making you haha.

Or how today he ran around getting everything I needed at the store 

while I just waited not so patiently in line.

Or how he waited so patiently when I said no the first two times he asked me on a date.

Your papa is pretty patient.

Not to mention persistent.

But that worked out well for the two of us now didn't it?

He tells me I'm beautiful.

Even when I'm crying for no reason because you make my hormones CRAZY.

He doesn't complain when I make dinner and then throw it out

because suddenly it's the most disgusting thing ever and I can't stand to look at it.

I just can't wait for you to meet him.

I can't wait to observe his love for you.

I'm crazy about you already 

but I know when you get here your papa will be over the moon.

Grow Strong Baby.

Dear little...

Hey baby,

So you are no longer a secret.

I think the families are pretty excited over you.

I know mum and dad are.

Mommy is sick today so we get to spend some down time in bed drinking concoctions

and eating soup to get better.

Be safe baby, be healthy.

Uncle Joshua is pretty excited about you.

He liked the way we told him you were coming.

Grandma and Grandpa Stelzer are pretty happy too.

You're their first grandchild.

But you won't be alone.

You have LOTS of cousins to meet.

One is coming very soon.

We're excited to meet him too.

He'll only be about 7 months older than you.

I bet you two will be friends.

Mommy had her student tell the teachers she has you in her tummy.

It was pretty funny, because they didn't believe him right away.

I love showing people your picture.

I love reliving the moment I first saw you do your acrobatics.

I can't wait to feel you .

Grow strong baby.

See you in a few months.

Happy Valentines Day little

Hey baby,

Happy Valentines day.

Don't worry about missing out on this one

We will celebrate it next year too.

I wish you were hear to snuggle and kiss.

Also I take back what I said last time

You know about thanking you for not giving me morning sickness...

It was a not so well received Valentines gift

But what can a mommy do?

You toss your cookies and move on

It was literally a cookie too (you've already got a sense of humor)

Your daddy and I are going to spend our last Valentines day alone by baking cookies 

Mum will pass on eating them today I think

Perhaps we'll start this as a tradition for you though

Anyway, We love you lots

And are so happy to have you little valentine

To our little

Hey there baby

I can't begin to fully express the love your papa and I already have for you.

 I admit that I also have daily fears over you as well.

 I hope you are growing strong.

 Yesterday your mum and dad went to their first doctors appointment.

 I saw you for the first time.

 My heart was bursting with joy when I saw your tiny legs kicking, and your heart all a flutter. 

The nurses loved that you looked like a key in one of your pictures.

 They say we should incorporate it into your name. 

Looks like I swallowed a key

We will see about that.

 Your little nose is so cute, but be prepared that you're bound to have a honker like mommy and daddy.

 I'm glad to know your heart is beating strong.

167BPM

 I didn't think we'd be able to hear it since you decided to try and hide for that part.

 I think about you every single day and I pray for you to be healthy.

 I know that no matter what, you are our gift from God and that he loves you even more than we can. 

I can't wait for you to get to know him.

I hope that your heart follows Christ's.

I'm scared to lead you in that.

But you belong to him, so I will trust in his plan.

We're telling your grandparents, aunts, and uncles on Sunday.

I know they will love you too.

Mum is not enjoying keeping you a secret.

Dad is still trying to come to the realization that you are really in my tummy.

You will be let down by us all your life.

We will undoubtedly make mistakes.

We aren't perfect, but we have known perfection.

His name is Jesus.
 And He will make everything new in it's time.

So forgive us when we fail.

And know that we desire to love you like Christ does.

Oh and a few more things...

Thank you for letting me avoid morning sickness

Even though Cheerios smell like vomit

Blessing, Fears, and Futures

The Lord truly blessed Daka and I with one of the longest honeymoons. We had 7days 8 nights in Italy, 1.5 weeks for Christmas and new years, and then 3 extra snow days. Since we said "I do" we had 26 days of togetherness. I don't think we spent more than 2 hours apart. I felt so lucky. I feel so lucky. I am blessed. And now I know why. I think that time together was allowing us to prepare for what is coming next.

January 5th I took my first pregnancy test ever. When the first pink line appeared I had mixed feelings both sad at the thought we might not be pregnant and happy that we'd have a little more time. A few moments later a faint second line on the test appeared. I was pregnant. More fear than anything else invaded my body. We were just married 3 weeks before. How could we have a honeymoon baby? We took precautions. We wanted to wait a year. So we did some research to see if the second line indeed indicated I was pregnant. Sure enough it did. Two days later, still in denial, we bought a digital test. Not even 3 minutes passed and it already read pregnant. This time I had had a few days to get used to the idea and was able to be happy about it.

I have wanted to be a mother my whole life. I mothered my dolls as a child. I mothered my friends during play time as a girl. I wanted, and still do want, to be a mom. But I chose a career when it seemed like that was the next best thing to do. I love my job don't get me wrong but the thought of having to be both a career woman and mother frighten me. Financially we will have to both have jobs until we can dig ourselves out of school debt. That fact saddens me some. I'm not really sure why God timed things this way. But I do trust him. Daka has to remind me to trust him, but I do. God is our provider. He sustains my very life. If he ordained that we would have a child this quickly than how can I feel anything but blessed.

So September baby I am thrilled to meet you. I'm going to be your mum and you have a pretty stellar dad. We love you already and we are thankful for you.

Come what may, Lord we will trust you.

A Whirlwind of year 2013

Well I realize we are almost already a week into 2014 but I thought I would recap some of my favorite moments from 2013. I am so thankful for all that the Lord taught me in the past year, the friendships he allowed me to gain and the many blessings he showed me.

January 2013:
This began my adventure to St. Louis where I made some of the best friends and gained life experiences I am so blessed by. Lets start with the friends. First there is Julie Curran. This woman was my supervisor during my practicum and we just became kindred spirits. I could share anything and everything with her and probably have. Then there was my small group. Specifically the Oros family that showed me so much love and acceptance. Then there is Renee who I had not imagined I could love so much! She is one of the sweetest women I know. I wish I could have stayed in St. Louis a little longer to get to know her better. Then Betsy, Alyssa, Stacie, and Julie who all made sure I wasn't too lost in the city.

Then there was the blessing of my internships. These truly equipped me for my career and I am grateful to have had such amazing connections to my supervisors.

April 2013:
My first cardinals game. It was to celebrate Daka's birthday. The first birthday I would spend with him. It was also one of the last times I would see Shelly before she shipped off to Africa. Hanging out with Brock, Brian, Daka, and Shelly was great....even if it did rain for most of the game.









June 2013:
Daka Proposed. I really don't think I need to say much more than that. It was just wonderful to know I would be spending the rest of my life with him.

August 2013:
My first Real Job.

October 2013:
My Birthday. Daka came to visit and we went on a picnic(he got me a basket as my gift) one of my favorite things to do on a date.

December 2013:
Daka and I said "I do" on the 13th. We spent and amazing honeymoon in Venice from the 15th-22nd. Then there was Christmas eve with my parents. Our first Christmas as a married couple at home together. Family Christmas/new years with the Wiedeman Underwoods.

All in all this year has be splendid. I'm honestly most thankful for the relationships God has given me. I am such an incredibly blessed woman.

1 Month to go

As stress filled as this engagement journey has been I can honestly say I am thankful for it. We are constantly having to trust that the finances, the means, the workers and supporters and everything else will be provided. We have been showered in love and support and I am so overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and family.

Today I began to move a few things into our new apartment. It was a bit nostalgic packing the things that have been stored at my parent's house. Though I was so sure I would never live here again after college I have be so grateful to have this last 6 months to reconnect with my family. Plus the ability to throw large amounts of money at my loans because I did not have rent or utilities to pay was pleasant.

It's all a bit like a dream. I still often feel like a teenager and that this is just my day dream romance. But the realness of life and the stress of working and planning reigns me back into reality. Setting up our home, making our budget and other preparations can even be surreal at times. All of this planning and imagining can't compare to what is to come. For better and worse we'll be together forever starting in a month.

Admittedly I'm nervous about it all. I frequently depend on my own strength rather than leaning on the Lord and I can never live up to the standards for marriage on my own strength of will. I could never repent or forgive or love in a way that is honoring to God without his spirit alive in me. I tend to over play the fantasy that everything will be peachy keen once we take this step.I think that has me even more nervous. What will I look like when I'm caught in my sin. Fortunately I can lean on the truth that I am already forgiven and no longer a slave to sin and death.

It's a huge journey we will soon embark on and I am excited, though perhaps unprepared, for what is to come.