A constant battle

Media imagery of what the female body should look like is in our faces constantly. As females we seek to be loved and given attention and the world tells us that we have to look a certain way in order to receive that. I didn't really start fighting the issue of body image until recently. I've always been relatively petite and well I've never had to watch what I eat to maintain a healthy body weight. College ruined that for me, not in the way you would think but my perspectives have changed. I don't desire the body of other girls. I'm not (usually) comparing myself to them I'm predominantly comparing myself to what I once looked like.

This is from my Senior year in high school and while my best friend Alyssa can try to comfort me all she wants by telling me I am so skinny here that I look sickly I still miss being that girl. I miss not caring what my body looked like because well it was fine just that way it was. And it is beautiful and fine just that way it is now but I allow myself to believe the lie that if I'm not skinny enough I am not beautiful. I know full well that this is a lie that Satan uses to throw me into a depression and to ultimately cause me to become an ineffective worker.

I don't have words of wisdom for other girls who deal with this....my problem isn't solved. I have to daily give up my weight and appearance to God and I fail at that often. I find myself in the morning having the strong desire to check my weight to make sure it's acceptable enough for me. Throughout the day I question the amount of food I have eaten and while I still eat unhealthy things like sweets, if I have any of that a substantial meal is hard for me to want to eat.

It's a constant battle and Satan is a strong enemy that I can not defeat in my own power but luckily I have God on my side. He constantly shows me grace and love.

So I started a facebook group this week(a week when I'm unbelievably sick) about accepting yourself for exactly who you are, about not being so concerned about doing your makeup before you leave the house, about letting your hair flow it's natural way etc. This is my reminder to myself that I am beautiful to God no matter what I look like on the outside. This is me. Makeup-less and curly haired(and somewhat sick). I am loved and accepted exactly the way I am by the one who cared enough to create me.