My Best Friend

So I figured I'd finally write this blog because well everyone always asks how Alyssa and I met so you might as well have the whole story. Yeah we're as close as sisters, we're best friends and we tell each other everything...good and bad. However, there is something that comes as a big surprise to many...we've only known each other for 3 years. How can we be this close without years of background friendship? It is because God put us into each others lives strategically for our growth.

Three years ago my parents announced that we might be having a girl come live with us for a year or two. I was beginning my last year at DACC, the community college in my hometown, and getting ready for new adventures at a four year university. I have always been doted upon by my family, at times I enjoyed it other times not so much, but when my mother told me this news I laughed and thought to myself "She's getting a replacement daughter so when I'm gone they won't feel like empty nesters". Their plan was somewhat flawed seeing as I still had one year to finish at DACC but oh well.

You'd think that the girl coming to live with us would be an exchange student going to the university right? Well you'd be wrong. She lived in Illinois only about three hours away from us. When deciding on a college to attend Alyssa weighed her options. A track scholarship pointed her towards DACC as a viable option, but Danville is not really an ideal place to live. Having only slightly considered the possibility of coming to my community college it was brought up in her church back home that she could attend this school for two years for free. After being prayed over she was approached by some family friends who had lived in Danville for a number of years. Calls were made about possible apartments and other living options.

Friends of my family brought up the fact that Alyssa may be attending DACC and was looking for housing in my parents Sunday school class. And for whatever reason, though I know now that it was undeniably God laying it on my mothers heart, my parents thought about opening our home to her. My brother moved out the year prior so we had plenty of room, and like I said in a year they'd be empty nesters anyway.

So the Krauss' made a plan to come visit and check out the place. Believe me Danville is no sight to see when you get here. It's a run down town that was once very successful but now has become one of the worst places to live in America(<- yeah that was on the news...and it did wonders for improving our town). At the time I worked two jobs and went to school and when the Krauss' were planning on visiting first I was supposed to be at work. Luckily they came early enough that I could say hello before heading to the restaurant. She seemed really shy but didn't look like a crazy person so I was fine, we could live together well enough and besides I only had to be there for one year.

Little did I know the thoughts that had been running through her head. All Alyssa knew about me was that I had been home schooled for most of my life, grew up in a fairly strict Baptist Church, and that I "didn't have a facebook". A list of things that would have seemingly put me in a category of being socially inept. While most of those things were true, I was home schooled from 3rd grade on yet still an incredibly out going person with many friends, I did grow up in a Baptist church, but this grew my faith very strongly and the legalistic tendencies they may have had at times were no bigger than those of any other church, and well I did have a facebook but for reasons I won't go into did not have my last name on it for many years, I was still your normal 19 year old.

Thank heavens I stuck around instead of leaving for work incredibly early as I typically do because once she realized I was "normal" she decided that it wouldn't be impossible to live with me. I'd like to say we became immediate friends but that didn't exactly happen. She took a while to adjust and I took a while to realize I needed to reach out to her, but once we did those things we just clicked. 3yrs later and we have lived together, fought with each other, cried over insignificant and also very significant things, had adventures, lived out the dull days, made each other laugh, been called crazy(because we are), gone through trials, grown in our love for each other as friends, grown in our love for our Savior, mentored one another and we are best friends now and forever. God knew we'd need each other, I'm certainly glad he knows what he's doing.

Proverbs 27:17"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Living in Danville still

friendly mimicking

Weddings

Graduations

Sun bathing 90ft in the air

rock climbing

Thats my best friend

Journalings

College. It's been one of the best experiences of my life. Not because of the atmosphere or the classes or anything other than the fact that I realized here what it means to truly walk with the Lord. I'm going to fail so often but knowledge is the beginning. I have people here that pour truth into my life daily and while those truths can hurt, because they show my utter sinfulness, it's also beautiful to see just how amazing God's grace is.

I try to journal daily as I read the Bible and today I was reading one of Paul's letters, this time to the Corinthian church. I love the way Paul writes because you can see just how big his view of our Savior is. These were the thoughts that came to my head and spilled into my journal as I read 1Cor. 1:22-31

Knowing God alone should be a sufficient message to solidify our faith. If knowing Christ isn't enough......then you don't really know him. We are not more wise than our creator, yet we rest in our own understanding. The Jews asked for signs, the Greeks for wisdom, and the Gentiles where confused when all they received was the message of Jesus' death and resurrection. They thought they were above this truth and that logically there had to be more.
My Bible then prompted me to read Jeremiah 9:23-24 "Thus saith the Lord, Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich many glory in his riches: But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the Lord which exercises loving-kindness, judgement, and righteousness in the earth; for in these things I delight, saith the Lord."

The greatest thing I can boast about is our Lord. The one who blesses us with wisdom and wealth. Rather than looking at and praising the giver of gifts, I look at the gift and give myself glory as if I had anything to do with it. When I achieve in school rather than praising the Lord for allowing me to do well and for giving me the capacity to learn and breath and life I look at myself and my accomplishments and call them MINE. It should be for his glory. The best thing we can boast in is Jesus.

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection.


-Keeley Janae

Expectation

Expectation is the root of all heartache.-William Shakespeare


I ran across this quote recently and it's funny because it describes my life at this moment perfectly. A big lesson I'm being taught right now is that my plan for my life is not the same as God's plan always. A lot of the disappointment I've felt in the past few months is because of my goals for my life. I used to be so focused(and many times I still am) on the future I laid out for myself. It went a lot like this: Get into a good grad school, get a good job, marry a great guy, be happy. Guess what? <- that doesn't equate with happiness. Go figure. My happiness shouldn't be balanced on circumstances but my joy should come from my relationship with Christ. A relationship I haven't been doing a good job of building.This year I have grown so much. Most of my growth has come out of the dark and unhappy times when God tells me he should be my all. I get so down on myself for my shortcomings. I have a heart full of anger and hurt and I get depressed when I let those feelings over take me. Its so much easier to just hide behind the façade of the happy go lucky Christian girl.
Lots of people aren't honest about what life is really like when you accept Christ. It is not some quick fix. Trials come and go just like they do in everyone's life but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.Phil 4:13. Sometimes I have to repeat this to myself over an over. Especially in situations where I have to repent of my sin and ask for forgiveness. There have been so many days recently where I get overwhelmed to the point of tears and I pull away from the people who love me, luckily my Saviour is ever with me. He never leaves nor forsakes me. I am a Child of God, flawed but forgiven.

Berlin (pt 3 the legit stuff)

Wow. There aren't even words that can express all the things God did on my trip. Most of his work was on my own heart. I'm still processing it all and trying to soak in the lessons he has taught me. I'll try to be brief and if you want to know more about my trip I'd love to tell you one on one.

First and foremost Berlin is HARD. You know the butterflies you get when you are about to tell someone that Jesus defines who you are, that he's the most incredible savior the world has ever seen and he wants a personal relationship with every individual on this earth? Yeah? well multiply those butterflies by 100 and you get what I went through in Berlin. God is not a name that is spoken there. The Country of Germany was oppressed in the name of religion before and so God isn't really something they like to chit chat about. Jesus....well they don't even really know who he was.

While there were many times I was discouraged when I asked people if I could talk to them about their lives and about religion and they rejected me, it always reminded me of just how big the God I serve is. It really showed me that I deep within my core believe that Jesus took the place for my sins so that I don't have to go to hell. It showed me just how much he cares for me.

I'm a very emotional person. My heart breaks easily, and my heart broke completely for the people in Berlin. When talking to an Atheist woman I realized just how much she needed to know that God loved her. Christianity isn't understood there. There is a huge stigma that we're self righteous and pushy, and breaking that misconception was hard. Why? Because we can be those things, luckily we have grace.

Berlin is so diverse. I met very few German students. Most of my interactions were with people from all over the place. Thats a huge reason I think God wants to reach Berlin. Making an impact there really could change the world.

The gospel was shared with numerous students on our trip, but no one made a decision. I left Germany on Sunday feeling defeated. I wanted to see people believing what I know is true but that didn't happen. So I took it to Christ and he gave me Hebrews 11. It's all about faithfulness and how the faithful often don't get to see the rewards of being obedient. God is sovereign and I know he's working in the hearts of the people we shared with. I trust that he'll do the work.....because only he can.


P.S there are people I was really impacted by so if you think of them be in prayer that God will move in their hearts. Costas- a new student who came from Greece. Natalie- a timid girl from Poland who isn't sure God could care about her "boring life".  And especially Hannah- a professor who's 5yr old daughter has been asking her about Jesus.

Berlin(pt2 how he ripped my list to pieces)

Like I said I gave God a list of things he had to do to get me to Germany. I don't know if I trusted that he was big enough to accomplish it, but boy and I glad I was wrong.

It started over winter break when for some odd reason a family felt led by God to give me $1,000. I took it in shock wondering what in the world he had in store for this. I hadn't been praying about my financial situation, yes money was tight but he was providing. I thought well maybe he's just blessing me with this so my rent will be paid and I won't have to worry.

When Berlin was brought up to me and I was told that the trip would cost a total of $1600 I thought hmm well maybe thats why...but this was my gift and I want to use it however I please. Luckily God smacked that notion out of my head fairly quickly. Raising $600 wasn't going to be a big burden so I started to cross off finances from my list.

Next I made the call to my parents. I don't know why I thought there might be opposition but they were so excited for me. It couldn't have been easier.

Then came my passport: I needed to start the process quickly if I was going to get it in time. I would have done is sooner but I had to wait for my birth certificate in the mail. When it came I filled out all the appropriate paper work and took it to the post office to have it sent away. Being born in the 80's in South Carolina apparently they did the whole birth certificate thing differently. My certificate is just slightly bigger than a credit card and when I showed it to the man at the passport desk he took a good 3mins flipping it, rubbing his hand over it, giving me puzzling looks. Eventually he gave me a few options. "I've never seen a birth certificate like this and I don't know if the passport offices will accept it, you may need a long form so here is what you can do" 1)send it now and order the long form then start the process over and expedite if they reject it(this options costs about $300). 2)Wait for the long form and try again.(cost $200)  Or 3) send it now and hope they accept it($130).

Needless to say I chose option 3 praying that if God wanted me to go he'd either give me the funds for a second try or let it run it's course. 1.5 weeks later I called the offices to check on the status of my passport and they said that nothing had come up about my birth certificate and that it looked as though things were going alright. They asked me the date of my trip and told me that it was projected to arrive 2 days before I left, but I could spend $70 and get it there faster. I gave them the "I'll call back in a week to check on it and expedite then if necessary" answer. A week later my passport arrived before I made the phone call.

Well my finances were still lacking in $600 and I was preparing to write my letters of support to send to friends to raise the rest but for some reason I felt the need to call and thank the family who felt led to give me the $1000. I knew that they would love to hear how God was using them. I told them about my trip and thanked them for what they had done for me, hung up the phone. At that point I had a peace about getting the rest of the money for my trip. 5 mins later I get another phone call from the same family telling me that they had felt led to pray about my trip and thought God was calling them to send the rest of the money to me. I wrote one letter of support to that family and I had everything provided for me. I can't even begin to thank them for how they allowed God to use them in my life.

Then on to my boss: I had asked for the 9 days off for Panama, Florida and went in to talk to him about how likely it was that I was going to get those days off. He said he wasn't able to guarantee anything because so many students were leaving but that he'd try. I explained that I was no longer going to Florida but rather to Germany. He turned and looked at me and said "Keeley, that is a once in a life time thing. Go. I will make sure you get the days off you need. Go, and then come back and tell me about it." I can't wait to use my experience there as a witness to him.

Lastly was my spiritual growth. While I have been continually sanctified this semester I have a tendency to focus on my failures rather than my growth. I wanted to be well equipped to share my faith but not just that to also be fully focused on Christ. I have had multiple opportunities on campus to share the gospel and it has been a wonderful experience to take them. But I know the people in Berlin will be less receptive. I feel more adequate in this area now even though it still scares me. I also wanted my heart to be in the right place. Some days I wanted to go to Berlin just to get away from the US from the drama in my life and from the complacency I feel here. Other times it's all about wanting others to have a relationship with the God of the universe. I have been in the word more this semester than probably in my whole Christian walk but even then sometimes I did it out of obligation rather than desire for growth. Lately I've been reading Paul's letters to different churches. I started in Colossians last semester then switched to Philippians and recently ended in Philemon. And then God gave me this in sight. Philemon 1:6 "I pray that you be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have full understanding of every good thing that we have in Christ." 1) I am to share my faith and 2) every good thing(all those times when my motives are right about going to Berlin) is because I have Christ in me. I don't have to dwell on the times when my heart is not right because if I direct my focus to Christ the Holy spirit will enable me.

I can't wait to write the rest of this blog. 6 more days. Be in prayer for big things to happen in Germany. It's the Atheist capital of Europe and there will be a lot of opposition there but my God is bigger than all that.

Berlin (pt 1)

Germany. Not really my ideal vacation spot, in fact I never really give thought to the place but it was pushed into my lap as an opportunity to be obedient. So here is the story:

Campus Crusade for Christ gives students ministry opportunities over spring break. ISU's CRU had two options, Panama City Beach or Berlin, Germany. Sitting in CRU there were little cards passed around about spring break and I remember looking at the options and thinking to myself "Wow Berlin would be a great opportunity for growth. But I already decided to go to PCB and well I don't have the money, passport or time off work." So I let my first opportunity to say yes to Berlin pass me by. Then Christmas break happened and I didn't really think about it at all I was focused on other things but once I returned God kept bringing up Berlin. In CRU meetings, hearing others talk about their experience there during previous spring breaks and I felt my heart being tugged little by little.

Over break we were asked to read the book The Fuel and the Flame. It was a book about being active in our walks with Christ, pursuing him and pursuing ministry. I'm going to quote the passage that made me rethink world ministry: "There are about 600 million active Christians in the world today. Approximately 150 million of them are between 22-55 years of age(thats me right there). The estimate is that we need only about 20,000 to 30,000 of them to be cross cultural missionaries to finish reaching every unreached people group. that means we need only 1 volunteer from ever 5,000 people in this age group" This hit me like a brick wall.

Years ago I was sitting in chapel at a church camp(I was maybe 10 at the time) and there was a missionary from Bangladesh who asked us to be in prayer about being called overseas, even short term. I remember defiantly praying to God "Don't ever call me Lord, I can't and won't go. I can be a missionary right here." And while it is true that our mission to share the gospel is applicable no matter where we are I think God is showing me that he loves more than just American's and that his plan is better, by asking me to go.

After returning from winter break I was approached by the intern of CRU, Lindsey, and she asked me what I thought about Berlin. To myself I thought well it's be cool but it'll never happen for me, but I decided to pray over it and couldn't get it off my mind for days after that interaction. So I gave God my list of things he had to accomplish if he wanted me there.

The list:
1) Soften my parents hearts so that they are completely on board with my trip
2) Provide the financial support I'll need
3) Bring me a passport in time
4) Give me the time off of work
5) Grow my faith

He did it all but that story will come in a bit...

A work in progress....more like just some random thoughts.

God only knows why we didn’t work out

God only knows why I had those doubts

But he’s here to stay, he remains the same

But as for me and my heart, it’s forever changed.

My actions now reflect my love for the Lord

As I seek him out daily by reading his word

He is all sufficient, his grace meets my needs

He shows me his mercy when I’m on my knees.

Through prayer and reflection I learn more each day

And little by little he shows me the way

So thanks for the lessons you taught me those years

For showing compassion, and drying my tears

But my God is sovereign, he has his own plan

And I choose to follow the one true “I AM”

Despite the uncertainties and questions I have

I will not abandon my heavenly dad.

For he sent his son to pay for my sins

So in this short life, may my words praise him.