Little....Impatience

Hey there baby boy.

It's official we've made it past the danger zone.

Now that you are considered in the realm of full term

You are allowed to come any day.

Two more weeks before your due date

But if you want to come and meet us early....

I wouldn't be opposed.

Papa will start work in two weeks.

God has really been good to us here.

I still struggle with trusting him daily

but I'm working on it.

I can't wait to meet you.

People have to remind me to be patient.

And that first time moms often go past their due date.

Don't get any ideas.

If you wait too long papa won't get all the snuggles

because unfortunately he'll have to go straight back to work.

I think everything is ready.

Everything except maybe me.

and well you still don't have a crib in your room

But I'm planning on the bassinet for a while anyway.

Gotta keep you close my dear.

I'm becoming enormous.

and no longer have any perception as to how big the belly is

meaning I bump into everything. 

Insurance is still iffy.

But I'm almost to the point of not caring.

Fortunately with papa's job

we'll be able to have it for you once you arrive.

But for now, we're just waiting.

Waiting to meet you.

Waiting on the next step.

And hopefully taking advantage of this time of togetherness

while we can.

Grow Strong.

One thing has changed.

I can't speak for tomorrow,

and yesterday was another story,

but today one thing has changed in our situation.

My attitude.

Today I feel so joyful and filled with praise for the Lord's goodness.

Which is a huge step because let me tell you things haven't been pretty lately.

I had been burdened with sin.

Sin that I should be completely free from 

seeing as that is promised to me in scripture

as God's child.

But I have been angry.

And preaching lies about God to myself.

That he can't.....or won't provide.

That he isn't good.

That circumstances mean his love for me is conditional.

And I believed all of them.

But today I feel a glimpse of freedom.

I see truth more clearly.

And I'm able to give glory that is due to him.

Our situation,

jobs,

insurance,

dwindling savings,

is still the same.

We have been blessed by a number of people lately.

But honestly even their giving hearts I was unable to be thankful for.

But today I am so thankful.

And I feel this peace that even if things continue this way

that I could still praise the Lord in it all.

I want to praise him,

rather than constantly ask that he change my circumstance.

I want to trust that he is a good father.

I want freedom from the expectations I have for myself

and the ones that others have for me.

I wish I could be more open about my sin for you all.

I wish I had the urge to write these blogs even when I don't feel joy.

But for now I will rejoice that there is joy in my heart.

And maybe one day I won't cover my sin

But instead cling to the promise that I am forgiven of it.

Because I am dead to sin.

And I want to walk in that truth. 

And battle temptations to speak lies to myself.

And I want freedom

And Jesus wants to grant me that.