Tuesday, March 6, 2018

The Birth of Kaladin Josias

Kaladin was due March 13th 2018. He blessed us with his presence 9 days early. This is our birth story:

I woke a few times in the early morning hours on March 4th with contraction dreams so vivid I thought, well maybe my backache truly is a contraction. By 5am I was awake enough to notice that I was in fact not dreaming but actually having contractions. I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions since a little before 20 weeks, but this felt subtly different. Still, I wasn't due for another 9 days and based on my size and growth patterns they predicted I would go past that date. I couldn't fall back asleep with the back pain so I got up and went downstairs for a snack. For some reason I was so hungry this morning, but nothing sounded appealing. I grabbed a yogurt and string cheese, then I turned on an episode of Friends and began to time the contractions. They seemed to be coming at regular intervals of 4 minutes but only lasted for about 30 seconds and they really weren't painful. After about an hour of timing them, I decided I may need to call my midwife and get her thoughts. If this was labor I needed to start contacting people so my preschooler would be taken care of.

My midwife Jessica was surprised to hear from me because again, I was 38 weeks, measuring small, and last time I went to 42 weeks gestation. She told me to monitor them for another hour try to rest and hydrate and if things seemed to progress in any way, intensity, duration, or frequency, to start alerting people. Second babies tend to come more quickly, she told me. So I started drinking more water, and got my things together just in case. I started to alert people, but left husband alone. He hadn't been sleeping well recently and if this was it, I needed him ready and rested. In my gathering of things he came downstairs bleary eyed to grab his charging phone and asked why I had the diaper bag and car seat out. I explained that I was having regular contractions and just wanted to be ready. Knowing that my Braxton Hicks contractions had at times seemed to come regularly he wasn't alarmed and went back to bed. I decided on a shower to see if that made contractions disappear, but no such luck. When I started to time them again they had picked up some. Now a little longer 30-40 seconds, and a little faster 3 and 4 minute intervals, and perhaps just slightly stronger. I called my midwife back to update and she recommended getting my back up preschool watcher to come and heading to the Birth and Wellness Center. I let husband know things were progressing and that this was possibly baby day, but that contractions still felt too easy so I wasn't sure. He asked what the midwife advised and I let him know she told us to come in. Daka alerted a replacement for his kids church duties then got into the shower just as my 3 year old son awoke.

Although my brother was on his way, it would be 3 hours before he arrived so I called our back up child watcher, my dear friend Morgan. Daka let her know we would indeed need her to come as I swayed through contractions and broke the news to our son that his brother would be coming today. Coffee was made, my bag was placed by the door the car seat installed and some family notified. Contractions remained at 3 minutes apart, but I could still talk through them and was feeling good, but ready to go. Once Morgan arrived we gave instructions and chatted a bit while Daka finished his coffee and my son watched a show and ate some breakfast. Apparently I was coping too well for husband to feel like we were in a rush. He played piano, and we chatted with Morgan some more. I wrote a note for my brother about naps for my son. We left our home about 8am and on the drive I was convinced I had just caused everyone to come to us for nothing. My contractions spaced out to 6 minutes and I felt them minimally. We arrived at the Birth Center around 8:30 and let the midwife and trainee know what was happening. They gave me an hour to see if things picked back up and assured me that car rides tend to stall labor because our bodies know it's not the safest place to give birth.

So, I waited. Daka and I chatted and I felt silly that we had come. However, my contractions returned to the 3-4 minute range quickly, yet I still talked through them and was unsure if I was truly in labor. My midwife timed a few contractions and let me know that although I thought they were lasting only 30 second they were really closer to 60 because I was stopping at the peak of the contraction rather than the end. I tried to rest, but sitting was uncomfortable and laying down made things space out some. If this was baby day, I wanted to get things going. The midwives gave us space and let us labor for another hour. When they returned things were only slightly less tolerable. They gave me some options, one of which was an exam to see how I was progressing, the other to leave take a walk and come back. I told the, that when I rested they seemed to space out and was informed that it may indicate that I still had plenty of time. I wanted the exam but was also nervous to be discouraged by a number. The trainee then had to leave but my midwife checked me and assured me she would give me the good news not just a number if things weren't looking so good. After the exam I was told that I was 7 centimeters dialated and that we were not going to have a baby today. Leaving was no longer on the table.

I was elated, I'd have jumped up and down if I felt it at all possible. Still able to manage my contractions but no longer speak through them I figured we may still be in this for a while before I progressed much further. After a few trips to the bathroom, a snack and plenty of water, things intensified. I asked Daka to have our midwife fill the birthing tub because I was finally at the point where I needed relief from the contraction pain. I labored I the tub through some intense contractions, but the warm water truly helped with any pain I was feeling. My contractions never seemed to get much closer together than every two minutes. I remember after one particularly intense contraction being worried they might start to stack on upon another and not being quite ready for it, but I always seemed to have a break. I started to vocalize through contractions moaning deeply to control the pain and this helped. Having already had a child I was less inhibited by my own fears about the judgment of others. I felt comfortable being loud or intense if necessary, and I just let things happen. After some intense contractions my waters broke and I had to get out of the tub as the midwife suspected that baby had passed meconium. We did not want his first breath in the world to have him taking in poo, so I was moved to the bed. I remained in a hands and knees position propped up over pillows and I had a few more contractions before my body really took over and began to push. For me, contractions were the easy part. Pushing was where all my fear was centered as it had been the most challenging for my last birth when my son became stuck in my pelvis. Fortunately, by the Lord's grace I didn't have time to dwell in my fear. I pushed for 30 minutes, assisted by my midwife and nurse, and comforted by my husband. During pushing I had one moment of fear as I felt like I was back tracking, but again the calm voices of those around me quelled my fears. Kaladin was born into the world at 11:44am. It was like magic, all pain disappeared and I held the tiniest little boy to my chest. Two minutes after, I had a few more contractions and I delivered the placenta. It was all over. I remember being in disbelief that this was my baby, "How is he so tiny? My babies are bigger." We rested and nursed.

Once I had eaten, successfully used the restroom, was stitched up and showered, we were given the okay to head home! The drive home was crazy. Kaladin has been alert since birth but quieted and slept in the car. He was so quiet it felt like he wasn't even there. Husband kept remarking that it felt like a normal work day, except he got to come home early. All in all my labor was just under 7 hours long. We left home at 8 and returned by 3. I am so thankful for God's redemption of burn for me as I was so defeated by the difficulties of my last birth. I am also so thankful for his good timing.  As much as we had hoped he would wait, he is here and beautiful. As my midwife examined my placenta after birth she found that it had foiled in on its self in a few spots when it was forming. This meant that quite possibly, he would have not gotten any bigger regardless of my progressing in pregnancy. God knew the day he should be born, and we are grateful for this sweet blessing of a boy.


Sunday, October 15, 2017

29 things I'm thankful for

One of my dearest friends always writes a list of
Things she's thankful for on her birthday,
And I adopted the tradition a year ago as well.
I'm a little late in writing this but here goes
I just turned 29 on Friday so I'll give 29 things I'm thankful for 
After having lived for 29 years.

1) Jesus's death on the cross, because without that nothing else on this list matters
2) forgiveness, this year especially as I have been humbled recently by my own sin
3) deepening friendships
4) grace that is undeserved and seemingly never ending
5) a new gift of life
6) the strengthing of old relationships
7) family
8) the love of my son
9) a stable income
10) a home
11) our church
12) caffeine
13) trustworthy care takers
14) unexpected gifts
15) running vehicles
16) precious sleep
17) small group
18) the ability to meet the needs of others
19) our needs having been met
20) never lacking food
21) down time
22) Daka
23) lessened anxiety
24) answered prayers
25) observing The Holy Spirit move in others
26) provision
27) a deeper understanding of hurt in the world
28) the e desire for change 
29) empathy

I am so thankful for another year of life that I have undeservedly been given,

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Ready to listen

I know the Lord called us here.
St. Louis is my home.
This is my city.
And it is breaking.
As a white middle class woman
I can easily avoid the conflict
And ignore the racism and the social divide
But I don't want to do that.
That's not why we are here.
After yet another blatant disregard 
to the lives of those of color in this city
I can't just sit and watch, read, hear, etc.
The opinions of those like me.
Is it not obvious that something is wrong?
Is it not obvious that the fear and the anger
Is coming from a place of legitimacy?
Please, if you were like me, stop ignoring what is happening.
Notice that the people of color in our city are hurt.
Let us listen to them.
Black Lives Matter
But the message that we as white people are sending is that they don't.
Whether we mean to or not,
Good intentions aside.
Our disregard
Our judgement
Our unwillingness to listen
To fight for the marginalized
Says that we believe something else.
Black Lives Matter
But until our actions and our words
CHANGE
They won't.
Black Lives Matter.
Stop analyzing the response
Listen to the message
Black Lives Matter
I can't even begin to imagine that I know
The suffering of the people in this city
But I'm ready to listen 
Are you?

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Chronicles of a potty training momma: DONE....we hope

As I have said before don't look to me for advice on potty training,
but I am happy to report that we are nearing the end of training.
M has started wearing underwear outside the home.
Today, I put him down for a nap in his underwear!
Guys, thats a big deal!
Having confidence in his ablity to hold it during sleep
is something entirely different than just toilet training.
He is consistenly telling me when he needs to go,
and FINALLY telling sitters and kids church teachers.
We still have the occasional accident, but overall he's a pro.
Considering where we were in the beginning....going every 5 minutes
this is incredible improvement.
Plus our accidents are really just aiming issues.
One thing at a time okay!?!
To be honest, potty training has been a pretty selfish endeavor. 
I just really wanted him to be done so he would be: 
1) more independent
2) we'd have less mess
3) and I wouldn't have to buy diapers
However, it has given him such pride in his big boy abilities.
I never knew I could be so excited over such a disgusting event in life.
Pardon me while I throw a little dance party with myelf
because we are DONE!



Okay, so we still aren't dry at night, but this is still worth celebrating!

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Chronicles of a potty training momma: What I have found successful

So since Thursday we have been hitting potty training pretty hard.
I have found a few things that have workes for us...
So I thought I would share.
1. Frequent trips.
At first he was on the potty every 5 minutes.
It was a lot of work, but when he would actually go, I'd space the timer out. It went something like 5,10, 15,25,30,35.
He was in disposable diapers before and he would pee whenever he darn well felt like it, so I think this helped with increasing his bladder control.
2. Rewards.
We use a single gummy snack for each success, and only if he remembers to ask for it after.
He has forgotten a few times, but it is definitely motivating.
I know, it's sugar. But food is an easy access, quick reward, that kids just seem to understand.
3. Encouragement even in failure.
I down play the accidents. "Bud, it's okay, we will just try again soon. Remember to try to tell mommy, because poop and pee go in the potty"
4. Naked to only underwear to fully clothed.
We started with nothing on the bottom so we could get on the potty asap when he needed to go.
Then once he started spacing out trips and telling me he needed to go the underwear went on. Finally, we did pants when we hit the 30 minutes between trips.

So far it's going better than expected for a newly 2 year old. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Chronicles of a potty training momma: The NEW plan/an update

So M is now 2.
He is not potty trained.
So as you can probably tell I took a break.

I did say I might at the beginning. So there is that.
As interested as he was at 18 months, he just wan't ready.
He had pretty great communication skills
but couldn't preemptively tell me when he needed to go.
He still really doesn't.
But it's getting better.

The other day at the library he told me "Mommy, I pooping"
He also then refused when prompted to go with me to the restroom.

So, we're taking it slow.
Just asking him to sit on the potty multiple times a day.
And he has been doing that with success. 
Today we tried underwear.
We only had one accident

I'd say that's a success.......unless you know that after acident 1
I went back to diapers 
at first because he went down for a nap,
but then also because I'm lazy.

BUT he literally went on the potty 7x today.
So that's the real success.

Not much about my plan has changed, other than giving more grace
and also I caved and bought a potty.
Yuck.
It was a necessary evil though.
He used to scream and run from being hoisted onto the 
insert "potty seat" that fits on the toilet.

So now he has his own potty. 
He uses it regularly
and gets a gummy if he goes.

And I'm leaving it there for now
If he starts asking to go more....
then we will probably go full force into underwear.

We will see. 

Like I said in my first post, I am no expert
So don't look to me for advice.
I'm just a mom who is sick of diapers
and a kid who screams when I try to change them haha.

Things would probably happen more quickly if I wasn't so lazy
So there is also that.
I have things to work on. 

Don't we all.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Chronicles of a potty training momma: Praise for the Poop!

So potty training has been moving at a crawl.
Every once in a while M will ask to go to the "toilet"
But mostly he just likes the opportunity to wash his hands. 
Last Tuesday, he told me "poop" but with an empty diaper.
This was the first time he has preemptively mentioned something 
related to the potty.
So I rushed him to the nearest bathroom, but because we were
out of the house sitting on the big toilet was mostly
traumatic for him. Especially when it's a self flushing toilet.

Then last night happened.
I came home and Daka told me M had news.
Apparently he had told D "poop" again with an empty dipe.
So he put him on the toilet and viola!

We're still a ways from consistent potty training but I am ecstatic.
It's a really strange thing to be so excited over 
another being's bowel movements.
But as I discussed this conundrum with my brother
he helped me understand my excitement comes from freedom.
It may still be a while,,,but we are one step close to diaper freedom.
And that my friends, is worth celebrating.