As stress filled as this engagement journey has been I can honestly say I am thankful for it. We are constantly having to trust that the finances, the means, the workers and supporters and everything else will be provided. We have been showered in love and support and I am so overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and family.
Today I began to move a few things into our new apartment. It was a bit nostalgic packing the things that have been stored at my parent's house. Though I was so sure I would never live here again after college I have be so grateful to have this last 6 months to reconnect with my family. Plus the ability to throw large amounts of money at my loans because I did not have rent or utilities to pay was pleasant.
It's all a bit like a dream. I still often feel like a teenager and that this is just my day dream romance. But the realness of life and the stress of working and planning reigns me back into reality. Setting up our home, making our budget and other preparations can even be surreal at times. All of this planning and imagining can't compare to what is to come. For better and worse we'll be together forever starting in a month.
Admittedly I'm nervous about it all. I frequently depend on my own strength rather than leaning on the Lord and I can never live up to the standards for marriage on my own strength of will. I could never repent or forgive or love in a way that is honoring to God without his spirit alive in me. I tend to over play the fantasy that everything will be peachy keen once we take this step.I think that has me even more nervous. What will I look like when I'm caught in my sin. Fortunately I can lean on the truth that I am already forgiven and no longer a slave to sin and death.
It's a huge journey we will soon embark on and I am excited, though perhaps unprepared, for what is to come.
